.: Wyntir 1989 :.

+ SITI SARAH FITRIAH’S WEDDING! +

2012-02-12T22:37:00.001+08:00

Well, she’s someone else’s wife now .. Meaning, no more fun time like the old days… But whatever happens, I wish all the best and all the happiness Allah can give in the world ..

It was one of the grandest wedding … Thank you all who came to my cousin’s wedding .. Sorry there isn’t much picture of the couple cause us siblings were just busy seating the guests ..

.dira.

+ CHINA +

2012-02-12T22:14:00.001+08:00

Ok.. So lets sort these pictures event by event…

DEPARTURE, MALAYSIA

It runs in the family… The Rosli’s love to camwhore… Hahaha!

XI’AN, CHINA

Exactly!! Almost all hotels in China provide you with extra undies and panty, few different brands of condoms, lubricant gels and believe it or not, VIBRATING RING!!! –.-! And I was just so embarrassed of it cause me Syikin and daddy slept in the same room, so I threw all that away… And guess what, dad had to pay for it during check out –.-! Stupid China people!

Us in Air China flight departing to Xi’An from Beijing …

On our way to our hotel from the Airport…

Taking a walk around the city… Dad’s standing behind our hotel, Days Inn .. These China people, they love phones so much, you hardly get to see real shopping mall with variety things. You only see phones all over the streets –.-!

This is Terracotta where all the clay warriors were secretly buried by orders of the emperor so that they will protect the emperor in the afterlife. They discovered 3 sites and 10,000 workers were killed or buried alive just to ensure that the secret doesn’t leak –.-! Cruel shit. He’s the same emperor who built the Great Wall of China… The Chinese guy in the last picture is Mr. Yang, one of the farmers who accidently discovered the warriors and then became rich….!

After the tour ended, we went to warm up ourselves by having some hot traditional tea … That’s the tea lady showing us how to make tea, traditionally! And the Chinese lady in the last picture is Mrs. Helen, our tour guide.. Thank Allah she speaks English!!! !

This place is called Hot Spring “something something” –.- also known as, the Emperor’s Winter Castle. Why..? Because here, there are actually 3 natural sources of hot spring water (as in picture above) which not only stays warm and hot like them Jacuzzi's and spas, but also good for the health and beauty because of its pure mineral.. From those sources, there are drains that leads the water to the emperor, the emperor’s concubine and the emperor’s cook’s pool.. Syok gile even for a cook haha! And trust me the pools are big!

So Picture Left is just the tub *BIG!* and the Right is the long pool!

The above paintings are the painting of the 4 China Beauties..

Flower: She’s so beautiful that even the flowers closes it’s petal because they are shy. Her weakness is body smell.
Moon: She loves the moon so much and because of her beauty, the moon covers itself with dark clouds. Her weakness is long big ears.
Music: I just remember that she loves to play the music.. Hehe…
Water: Her beauty makes the fishes bow to her if I am not mistaken. Her weakness is big feet.

This is Flower, aka Lady Young.. Among all the 300 concubines, she’s the emperor’s most favourite that even the empress is put aside. But sadly they cannot be married because of Lady Young’s life background. The emperor build a hot spring tub, performing stage and this balcony thing just for Lady Young to dry her hair.. Owh yea, and the statue above lol..

Then last trip, we went to Banpo Museum which is VERY boring cause there’s nothing but ground marks of people in the cave man ages.. But there’s one building you just gotta see!!!

Large up the picture and you’ll see it says there “MUSEUM SERVICE CENTER, WASHROOM WESTERN STYL:E”!! The first time I saw it, I was like ‘what the hell –.-‘ ????? But it was closed so I couldn’t check out what’s in the building. Sigh….

BEIJING, CHINA

Just some architecture stuffs of China house and shop door entrance and the building there.. Seriously, there are just apartments all over the place –.-! AND EXPENSIVE!

Great Wall of China, Badaling .. Tourist services sucked in China cause they didn’t know English and just wouldn’t bother to try communicating and luckily, we found this guy, Mr. Tian .. He took us to the Great Wall just few hours before my flight back to Malaysia. Damn you it was cold there –6 degree and you just don’t wanna bump with the breezes there! Plus the staircase there were just steep! And the steels were just cold.. And there’s still snow and frozen stream which is just beautiful …. Thank you again Mr. Tian for the Forbidden City and Great Wall tour …

And here are some typical facts that you really should know about China:

The drivers LOVES to honk for no reason even when there are no cars on the highway –.-
The people talk a lot and LOUD too
They love to spit, you name it, saliva, mucus, sputum, and they even piss anywhere they like –.-! Trust me when I say ANYWHERE!!! As in even the MUSEUMS and OFFICIAL SITES!!
Most of their toilets don’t have tissues and water pipes!
Spacious roads but confusing. Their driver seat are on the left. Which makes the whole road system vice versa to Malaysia as well.
99.9% of them DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH! So you better bring your pens and papers to draw to communicate! Body language is just useless! Or install English-Chinese dictionary in your phone!
And seriously, highway signboards and mall level info boards, CHINESE! No ENGLISH!
And don’t be surprised if you find different condom brands, lubricant gel, vibrating ring and set of underwear's in your hotel bathroom or on the make up table –.-! I took the picture before for proof but deleted it cause dad wanted to see photos we snapped at Xi’an. Don’t want dad to think I’m a fucking perverted betch –.-!

And that wraps up the whole China trip … There’s just too many info I got during my trip there but seriously, I am one betch who’s just too lazy to arrange my words in order, BAHHH!!!!

And here’s a stupid dialog I made for the Air China Emergency Instruction:

.dira.

+ Busy Busy February~ +

2012-02-09T21:36:00.001+08:00

Like I said before this *or did I??"* …. This early February is the most busiest week of this month –.-… Will be posting pictures soon ..

1. Of China
2. Of Sarah’s Wedding

Salam…

.dira.

+ The Engagement +

2012-02-04T06:56:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah, all went well .

I didn’t tell anyone cause it’s just an engagement. If its nikah, then for sure I’ll let everyone know before the event..

Please jangan marah my friends..

.dira.

+ To: Fairuz Liyana :) +

2012-02-03T08:45:00.001+08:00

Salam and morning everyone ..

To Fairuz Liyana:
Nad nk balas comment Yana on my previous post but I don’t think you’d realize it’s been replied so I though I’d reply here .. Actually majlis ni mcm merisik + cincin tunang.. Nothing grand mcm most people do.. Nad plan wedding bru ajak sume ,, Sorry Yana…

This is just an engagement … Wedding is what confirms me and Sahey are tied. .. Yg tu bru everyone can look forward too…

.dira.

+ Small Room to Move About Things +

2012-02-02T10:51:00.001+08:00

And they all wondered why and how I manage to stay put in my room..!

Hahaha… No matter how much I wish to change the position of this room, my bed and my desk will always remain side by side XD! I am the most laziest person on earth and I cannot live without my lappy next to me while lying in bed ..

Demam2 pn sempat g nk alih katil and meje –.- with all the habuk2 melayang sana sini! Btw, I need to find a new laundry bag,.!

This is where I:

Watch movies
Play games
Chat and webcam with Sahey and cousins
Do some stupid useless research
and… watch porn *sometimes*
and keep myself updated with friends

Wish this room was a little bigger though ..

I am one betch who’s obsess with her room hahaha!

.dira.

+ February New Plans +

2012-02-01T23:59:00.001+08:00

Waow waow!!! Back up people, back up…..!

Miscommunication. Here’s the new February event highlights:

3/2 : My engagement
4/2 : Away to China
8/2 : Back at Subang Jaya
9/2 : Nikah at Sarah’s house
10/2 : Sarah’s Family Wedding Event (Concorde)
12/2 : Farid’s Family Wedding Event (PKPS)

Sigh.. That’s a lot.. Goodluck to everyone now …

Salam.

.dira.

+ Tension! +

2012-02-01T07:05:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I am few more days to every important event in February and yet still my nose is just leaking all the time.. And suddenly, I don’t look forward to any of the February events –.- …

And plus, my finger is not getting any thinner and my body is not getting any smaller –.- ..! So how if it doesn’t fit…? Wat malu je nnt –.-!

Money all gone spent on boxes and boxes of tissues and medicines! Sigh…

Ya Allah, aku mohon mntk cepat sembuh.. Sesungguhnye ko Maha Penyembuh.. Amin amin amin…

Tension tension tension……!

.dira.

+ Robert Rock +

2012-01-30T11:02:00.001+08:00

HELLO ROBERT ROCK!!!

AND GOODBYE SAHEY!

Sorry baby doll~~~~

I am in lurve with a new guy~~~

+ DON’T PISS ME OFF! +

2012-01-29T23:09:00.001+08:00

Ok.. I know many of my friends think my hair is already short, but seriously, it’s already starting to bug me.! I feel like its all over my face now! Please don’t let it be up to a point where I chop off my own hair!

I seriously want to have spiky hair at the back and that cute fringe of Christina’s at the front.. … And then run off to a place where no one knows me and start off life all over.

*If you have to know, it took me 1 hour to complete this post cause at the same time, I’m arguing with Sahey on the phone*

FUCK BETOL! YOU KILL MY GOOD MOODS!!!!!!!

.dira!.

+ Woody Wood Wood +

2012-01-29T20:45:00.001+08:00

Well, as what you’ve noticed. Blog changed.

Showing some love for mother nature ..

Guess what I have been up to these 2 days. Exercising –.- .. And yes… Though I know its now a little too late, I am just gonna go with it and make me feel good about myself. Thank you.

Actually, I am just tired of Sahey calling me fat! Damn that word!

You know what.. I love this wood background …

.dira.

+ Text Conversation #1 +

2012-01-29T19:43:00.003+08:00

Text Conversation #1: 29th January 2012 (7.35PM)

Sahey: Dr td yuyunkyuyunk duk buat pe?
Nadd: Exercise and titotito.....pastu tgk porn jap...hahahahahahaha!
Sahey: Eaaaaaaaaa! da xde kije tngk porn ekk! syg da bis smyg da..nk sambung msuk kije jap..
Nadd: Bia a...bosan dok uma x(..

No, seriously.. I was watching some lesbian porn... Bored out of my mind.. -.-!

.dira.

+ Betapa Berharganya Seorang Wanita +

2012-01-28T17:46:00.001+08:00

Actually, this is posted from Yana’s blog.. I was touched ..

Betapa Berharganya Seorang Wanita

Ketika Tuhan menciptakan wanita, malaikat datang dan bertanya, "Mengapa begitu lama engkau menciptakan wanita, Tuhan???"

Tuhan menjawab, "Sudahkah engkau melihat setiap detail yang telah aku ciptakan untuk wanita?" Lihatlah dua tangannya mampu menjaga banyak anak pada saat bersamaan, punya pelukan yang dapat menyembuhkan sakit hati dan kerisauan, dan semua itu hanya dengan dua tangan".

Malaikat menjawab dan takjub, "Hanya dengan dua tangan? tidak mungkin!

Tuhan menjawab, "Tidakkah kau tahu, dia juga mampu menyembuhkan dirinya sendiri dan boleh bekerja 18 jam sehari".

Malaikat mendekati dan mengamati wanita tersebut dan bertanya, "Tuhan, kenapa wanita terlihat begitu lelah dan rapuh seolah-olah terlalu banyak beban baginya?"

Tuhan menjawab, "Itu tidak seperti apa yang kau bayangkan, itu adalah air mata."

"Untuk apa???", tanya malaikat.

Tuhan melanjutkan, "Air mata adalah salah satu cara dia menunjukkan kegembiraan, kerisauan, cinta, kesepian, penderitaan, dan kebanggaan, serta wanita ini mempunyai kekuatan mempesona lelaki,ini hanya beberapa kemampuan yang dimiliki oleh wanita.

Dia dapat mengatasi beban lebih baik dari lelaki, dia mampu menyimpan kebahagiaan dan pendapatnya sendiri, dia mampu tersenyum ketika hatinya menjerit kesedihan, mampu menyanyi ketika menangis, menangis saat terharu,bahkan tertawa ketika ketakutan.

Dia berkorban demi orang yang dicintainya, dia mampu berdiri melawan ketidakadilan, dia menangis saat melihat anaknya adalah pemenang, dia gembira dan bersorak saat kawannya tertawa bahagia, dia begitu bahagia mendengar suara kelahiran.

Dia begitu bersedih mendengar berita kesakitan dan kematian, tapi dia mampu mengatasinya. Dia tahu bahwa sebuah ciuman dan pelukan dapat menyembuhkan luka.

Allah S.W.T berfirman:

"Ketika Aku menciptakan seorang wanita, ia diharuskan untuk menjadi seorang yang istimewa. Aku membuat bahunya cukup kuat untuk menopang dunia, namun, harus cukup lembut untuk memberikan kenyamanan."

"Aku memberikannya kekuatan dari dalam untuk mampu melahirkan anak dan menerima penolakan yang seringkali datang dari anak-anaknya. "

"Aku memberinya kekerasan untuk membuatnya tetap tegar ketika orang-orang lain menyerah, dan mengasuh keluarganya dengan penderitaan dan kelelahan tanpa mengeluh."

"Aku memberinya kepekaan untuk mencintai anak-anaknya dalam setiap keadaan, bahkan ketika anaknya bersikap sangat menyakiti hatinya."

"Aku memberinya kekuatan untuk menyokong suaminya dalam kegagalannya dan melengkapi dengan tulang rusuk suaminya untuk melindungi hatinya."

"Aku memberinya kebijaksanaan untuk mengetahui bahwa seorang suami yang baik takkan pernah menyakiti isterinya, tetapi kadang menguji kekuatannya dan ketetapan hatinya untuk berada disisi suaminya tanpa ragu."

"Dan akhirnya, Aku memberinya air mata untuk dititiskan. Ini adalah khusus miliknya untuk digunakan bilapun ia perlukan."

"Kecantikan seorang wanita bukanlah dari pakaian yang dikenakannya,sosok yang ia tampilkan, atau bagaimana ia menyisir rambutnya.Kecantikan seorang wanita harus dilihat dari matanya, kerana itulah pintu hatinya, tempat dimana cinta itu ada."

"CINTANYA TANPA SYARAT. HANYA ADA SATU YANG KURANG DARI WANITA,DIA SELALU LUPA BETAPA BERHARGANYA DIA..."

Wallahu'alam..............

.dira.

+ Nk Gile Da Ni! +

2012-01-28T16:37:00.001+08:00

I am bored and I am tired of sitting at home. And I have no money!!!

Gile bosan nk mampos!!!

What I have been doing these past few days, sit eat sleep and supporting youtube stars!! And the same fucking routine all over again. Dammit gile no life!

Enough talking. Goodbye.

.dira.

+ February 2012 +

2012-01-27T21:59:00.002+08:00

February plan is this:

3rd of February 2012: Sahey's family will be coming over to Subang Jaya.
4th of February 2012: The day after that me, daddy and Syikin will be going to China.
8th of February 2012: I will be travelling back to Malaysia alone, hopefully in time for Sarah's wedding.
10th of February 2012: Daddy and Syikin's back at Malaysia.
20th of February 2012: Go to Universal Studio Singapore with Sahey and the rest of the gang :).

Few days after that, I need to find time to go to Port Dickson.

Lets hope that everything goes well :). Amin amin amin..

.dira.

+ DAMN THOSE BEAUTY FRINGE! +

2012-01-26T22:23:00.001+08:00

I am so dying to have Christina Aguilera’s hair!!!! Just wait la when I get the money to do so!! Drooling fringe!! Damn I have always loved your style Xtina!!

.dira.

+ LEGENDA, MMG LEGEND BUSOK! +

2012-01-26T18:02:00.001+08:00

HAAAA PE G!! Bukak2 Facebook je da kne tag kat link pasal kolej Legenda!

http://mynewshub.my/2012/01/26/pelajar-dakwa-duit-ptptn-dirompak-kolej-sendiri/

EEEeeeee baran, panas betol ati ble dgr name kolej ati busok makan duet haram semoga ko terbakar kat neraka… Amin amin amin…

Enough said.

.dira.

+ Semoga Anda Sihat and Happy Slalu +

2012-01-25T02:40:00.001+08:00

Da lame gile xdgr cite Muhamad Aliff .. I wonder how he’s doing .. Rindu gile dgr lawak bodoh and die and gelak2, sigh …

Anyways, Ecah, kim salam kat Alip for me if you’re reading this yea .. Gtau die, rambut xya spike ke atas, tak cun… …!

Semoga anda selalu sihat and happy k ..

.dira.

+ WHAT A JOURNEY!!! +

2012-01-25T02:29:00.001+08:00

It’s 2.14am and I’ve been awake since 12am..! And I cannot sleep since then.. Seriously, I just do not know what to do right now.

I am pissed off gile ngan mamat Sahey ni! APE LA SSH SGT NK BALAS MSG AKU AND NK EMAIL KN AKU GMBR2 KT GANU!!! Its delaying my Terengganu post!!!! Benggang tol!!

So anyways, I just got back from a very long non-stop trip!

Day 1: Subang > Nilai > Bangi > Johor > Subang

Day 2: Subang > Terengganu > Subang (few days after that)

Seriously I tell you, I didn’t feel the exhausting-ness until I arrived Terengganu and both my legs cannot walk.. So I had to rest in the car and then jalan henjut2.. After arriving at Sahey’s house, the whole leg starting aching. Terbaek gile!!!! I liked it.! Made my journey worth the pain. *Or is it the other way around?? Who cares!*

So here I am. With my many many shells ! I had a really good time at Sahey’s parents house and his siblings are adorable .. And kampung houses are cooling!! Even cooler than airconds!!! Had a very good comforting sleep haha!!

So will post up pictures in my next post … Hopefully SAHEY IS READING THIS POST!!!

.dira.

+ USE ME! ABUSE ME! PLEASE! +

2012-01-17T12:55:00.001+08:00

Back then, I used to have a lot of reason to own a laptop. I almost could not live without it and it would not be right if I don’t spend 1 day with it.

But now, it’s barely even on. I don’t know what to do with it anymore. I’m tired of Facebook-ing. I don’t blog that much anymore. And I tweet with my phone. And I don’t know what to Google about.

I need to work and make use of this laptop again … This laptop misses being used and abused.

Sincerely,
Naddy and her Lappy..

.dira.

+ I’m Sorry Mom +

2012-01-16T15:06:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I was so pissed off with everyone specially my mom.

I went to the park and cried out all the tears left and I texted mom. I texted her very harsh words about death, about how much I hated all the people around me including her and dad, how much I hated my life and more. And even said her lectures about agama sucked and that I didn’t wanna hear it from her anymore..

I’m still not talking to her.. And inside, I feel much regrets for what I said yesterday. I even told her this home’s a hell.

I’m really sorry mom.. .. I wish I could say this face to face but I don’t why it’s hard to do so..

Dira mntk maaf sgt..

.dira.

+ The Season’s Here +

2012-01-15T21:47:00.001+08:00

The season’s here. It only means the betch is inside me again.

I’m starting back those old habits of mine. Going to the park until late evening and listening to those old time playlists. Those attitudes are back and I can honestly tell you that I’ll be hurting everyone around me.

Please keep your distance away from me. If you’re hurt, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Cause I don’t think when I act and this time, she’s bolder than before.

.dira.

+ Stupid Room! +

2012-01-14T00:54:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow we’ll be going to Muar, a cousin of dad’s getting married and I’ll be driving Mak Og since she’s on recovery..

I get so tired of this fucking small room! I cannot get air to come in and cool me up and I cannot fix the position of my desk,! Gile benci! I cannot wait to have a house of my own and have it decorated to another colour other than stupid yellow! Fucking colour is starting to take toll on my eyes!

.dira.

+ BOSAN NK MATI! +

2012-01-12T15:39:00.001+08:00

Don’t laugh.. It has been ages since I last drew and only recently I slowly learned how to colour, itu pn mcm haram skit… So I drew this rose and then…….

I added curtains to it~~~~~~~~~~~~ ngeeeeee~…… Me like it …..

Da mcm pengantin aku keje kn budak ni bosan ngan colouring nye pasal XD!!

And then, Si Billa plak keje kn aku –.-! I seriously am better off wearing tudung biasa2.. I look weird with selendang!

WOW!! A FUCKING DRUMSTICK!!!!

Seriously, aku da mula rasa betol2 bosan and nk gile dok uma ni!!! The only thing that’s keeping me sane are the colouring books, the drawing, the going out and sleeping at random hotels and make up-ing my sisters!! EARGHHHH!!! I NEED JOB!!! TLG LA HIRE AKU!!!

.dira!.

+ Pictures +

2012-01-03T20:01:00.001+08:00

Rasa macam da lame x blog.. Gambar da btimbun kumpul tp didn’t have the time to blog yet.. Been busy with catalogues and unfortunately, it’s still not yet done… Sigh.. Hopefully this coming Thursday, Dental catalogue will be completed.

Office Medigate ni kecik je, all department in one floor and in this medium sized room. So xpayah la nk salah2 kn aku atau Alip klu kt bertembung atau balas senyum! Da kt satu blik and satu tingkat, xkn a nk wat mke bongkak atau sombong kt org yg x wat salah kt aku! Lgpn Alip tu mmg peramah org nye.. Xkn aku nk wat mke marah kt die tb2 xtentu pasal! So tlg gne akal and pk, dalam ofis kecik ni, mmg sume staff mcm family. OK?

This is my 2012 diary. Bought it at Singapore.

Some nice calming pictures of the clouds at Office and otw to Atok’s house.. Cantek kn ..

.dira.

+dodeqdodeqdodeqdodeq+

2012-01-01T17:23:00.002+08:00

+ New Year Resolutions Are STUPID! +

2011-12-31T23:54:00.000+08:00

Aku xske new year. Its not the muslim new year anyway so why celebrate it?? And its so useless making new year resolution. Boddoh betol! You make up a whole list of it and by the end of the year you end up only doing 0.09% of the list. And it pisses me off how they're so proud of their stupid list!

The end.

I NEED ORANGE JUICE!

.dira.

+ Them Dead Souls +

2011-12-31T11:46:00.001+08:00

The problem with me, is that I keep dreaming of dead souls flashing back the moment they died.

Here’s what always happen:

I awake in my dream next to a dead soul, at the place they died
Suddenly the surroundings changed
Then I realize I’m at this one corner watching how the soul died. In detail.
Then I look at the soul, some of them in pain, some in anger and some just watched with no feelings.
And when the whole scene ended, the soul looks at me and I find myself back in my own dream with this dead baby.

Kenapa weh? I don’t mind dreaming about the dead soul but I am seriously uncomfortable with the dead baby. Serious aku xske!

I wish Atok would come visit me in my dreams ..

.dira.

+ Praying Things Turn Out Well +

2011-12-31T09:38:00.001+08:00

Yesterday Sahey told me this bad news that he’s been suspended from work cause the employee suspects him of stealing gold.. In my honest opinion, the employee is stupid when there’s a whole lot of camera that you can refer too instead of directly accusing him.

Anyways, I hope things will be cleared off soon..

Need to get this catalogue work done ASAP! Hoping tomorrow can go to Johor..

For next post.. Remind me to post pictures of this small office ..

.dira.

+ Muar Pictures +

2011-12-30T23:37:00.001+08:00

Yeayyy…. Alhamdulillah…! My old printer is now ALIVE!!! Just bought the cartridge.. Didn’t know it was that cheap haha..!

Well.. Now I can print all I want XD..

Anyways, few more pictures when we were at Muar..

Meet the Rosli’s Pack! Hahaha! Only dad’s face is covered, Nabbie is taking the picture and Nonnie was just not around. So much for a complete pack –.-

And then there’s the cam-whoring part… Haha

Yeayyyy! Abis session prasan diri!! Hahahaha!!

.dira.

+ Abandoned +

2011-12-30T16:53:00.001+08:00

When the night crawls in,
When your eyes are fast asleep,
I see you wandering..
Jumping from one dream to another, intruding peoples space,
When the ones you have, you abandoned..

You seem to enjoy being the star in peoples dreams,
Stealing their spotlight, happiness and adventures,
I see you… I see you…
Among those crowds, behind those disguises and under those masks,
No girl, you can’t hide from me…

So tell me..
Are you looking for your friend, Sorrow…?
Are you lost trying to find your way out..?
Or are you scared of those endless doors…?

Don’t runaway…
Don’t runaway from knowing who you are…
Stay here!
And pick your door…

.dira.

+ Don't Bother Asking +

2011-12-30T15:57:00.000+08:00

Its not the outside that shows what is really been said inside .. Even if people try to eat your heart, or have some psychic to read your mind, it doesn't define any truth ..

Only Allah s.w.t. knows what one has to go through and sacrifice in life to satisfy other people around them that they love but have little trust on you.

My diary and blog might say what others want to know and hear, but in the heart, its just a whole different story.

I don't expect anyone to understand this. So don't bother asking anything.

.dira.

+ Upside Down Ocean +

2011-12-29T16:51:00.001+08:00

I’ve always seen the sky and the clouds as an upside down ocean. But at first I didn’t know how to imagine it.. Then I came up with the picture above and yea, now I see what I’ve been imagining all this time.

Wonderful isn’t it..? Like an untouched ocean .. Clean and unpolluted..

.dira.

+ We All Love You Atok +

2011-12-26T18:43:00.001+08:00

Few days ago, exactly 23rd December 2011, my atok @ Haji Mustaffa Ibrahim just passed away at Hospital ATM for soldiers, like arwah himself. Al-Fatihah to my beloved Atok .. We all love you and miss you so much Atok.. .. I couldn’t bare the lost so I took one of his shirt back home and wore it like he was alive .. Atok.. Dira mntk maaf.. Dira syg sgt kt Atok ..

To those who are reading this post, I hope you can sedekah Al-Fatihah to my Atok even though you don’t know him.. He was the best Atok .. I came to realize that he died as a man who had everything.. A brave soldier, two good wives, very well educated and loving kids, very hyper-active and lucky grandchildren, a very cute cicit, and hopefully, lead a happy and simple life ..

Atok, semoga roh atok dicucuri rahmat Allah s.w.t and semoga Atok ditempatkn di tempat org2 yg beriman .. Amin Amin Amin.. ..

Cousins!

Second, we are all now at Traders Hotel, Muar.. Dad wanted to come here for a nice holiday but who knew, the causes changed to being at a place filled with childhood memories along with Atok in it..

The Hotel

Us during lunch..

Sungai Muar and damn it’s freaking windy here!

.dira.

+ Yes, But Not Mine, Yet +

2011-12-20T14:35:00.001+08:00

Yes.. That is, an engagement ring.. Unfortunately, it’s my MOM’s engagement ring, lol! Maybe someday I’ll have my own engagement ring, InsyaAllah …

Btw, Sahey said I’m too childish to be a wife X(! How dare he judged me of being childish! Hish…

.dira.

+ Holiday, Can't Wait +

2011-12-20T13:58:00.002+08:00

I am desperately in need to dip myself in a nice cooling pool.. This 25th December the whole family's going to Muar for a holiday :).. Well except Nonnie couldn't make it cause she's busy with her studies and all.

.dira.

+ Syifik +

2011-12-19T00:53:00.001+08:00

Twins..? Nahhh..

Hahahaha!!!!! Parody of em two busy people in this house always in front of the computer…..! Damn better take care of your eyes!!

How obvious that I have nothing better to do at home lol!

.dira.

+ Someday Soon +

2011-12-18T22:11:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I really hate people who are on Flickr. They think their pictures are some kinda masterpiece and that amateurs like me don’t deserve to post their pictures there, when really, anyone could have done it better with Photoshop or phone applications, like mine.. ..

So from now on, there will be more pictures than words. Unless necessary.

FYI, I’ve been working or rather wasting my time filling up my “diary” with photos and maps and designs, and other hopeless stuffs. And then I plan to throw it away in the sea while cruising, someday ..

.dira.

+ What’s Not To Like +

2011-12-18T17:51:00.001+08:00

Nadhirah Rosli

Ahmad Shahir Abdullah

The many many colours that I own..

.dira.

+ Soon… +

2011-12-18T16:33:00.001+08:00

Soon I’ll be walking out this door and headed for a new life. Praying that everything goes well, InsyaAllah… Amin amin amin…

.dira.

+ And That’s Life +

2011-12-17T22:55:00.001+08:00

That’s my life. My music, my diaries, my comfortable bed and a chair that I’ve never sat on.

So.. Hi everyone.. What’s life like on the other end..?

Aku rasa tenang and berserah everytime I’m done with my solat and praying…

I pray things will turn out well, InsyaAllah.. Amin amin amin…

.dira.

+ Port Dickson with My Girls :) +

2011-12-13T15:49:00.001+08:00

Exactly what the title says. I missed the girls and requested for time together at PD. Though it was only 1 night, it felt like 3 days .. Thank you girls for joining ..

The weather and the ocean was just perfecto!!! And plus, we got ourselves a nice apartment .. Sorry there’s not much picture of the ocean.. I was just too busy swimming ..

Still waiting for more pictures from the rest.. ..

.dira.

+ Sincerely, Your Heartless Daughter +

2011-12-02T21:46:00.001+08:00

I have been the most saddest, pathetic and disappointed creature that has ever existed .. Even when I’m smiling, there’s still something that doesn’t feel right. Something that is still not fitted in yet. Everything feels wrong.

If I had a choice to wake up in the morning and face the sun or face this dark room and sleep all day till things changes, I would go for option 2.

I am not happy with myself. I am not happy with my life. I am not happy with the people around me. I am not happy with the people I love. I am not happy with what’s going on around me. I am not happy with ANYTHING!!! I just wish to run away from here and have amnesia!

I just don’t understand why you keep blaming me when you know exactly that it was all because of you. Why blame me when you know exactly how messed up you’ve made my life become! Why blame me when you know you were the one who upset the others?? Why blame me when you know I am so UPSET with you! GOD WHY BLAME ME!!!! WHY ME?? ARE YOU THAT EXCELLENT AND PERFECT TO NOT BE BLAMED?? AM I THAT FLAWED AND WEAK TO BE BLAMED AND POINTED AT???

I have so much anger held back. No matter what I do, I can’t get this shit thing off my chest! I can’t get my words to speak out. I can’t stand up and defend myself cause I know how much it’ll hurt you.! Because you’re the only dad I have. And that I resemble so much of you. And that I’ve swallowed a whole lot of shit remarks from you that really hurts me so bad in a way that I just wish I was deaf and didn’t have any feelings!

I regret everyday of my life for ever following your dreams just to make you proud but in the end, it all comes down to this. Me, in my room, being a girl who doesn’t know how to use her heart anymore and have lost all her sense of humour and being creative.

Sincerely dad, running or managing a family is nothing like that small department of that big company of yours. NOTHING like it! You and me, we don’t go after the same future goals. None of us are. When and what will it take to make you see all that.!

I am sorry for talking all this behind your back but choosing my job was one thing but putting the whole blame on me for quitting my job, was just way than crossing the line. True of all the things you said during our discussion but funny that the part where “you were the one to blame too” and “what your lacks were” were not mentioned that night. So ridiculously unfair.

Sincerely,

NADHIRAH ROSLI
(YOUR HEARTLESS DAUGHTER)

+ Pictures +

2011-11-30T20:45:00.001+08:00

Sahey at KL Central with Numan, on their way to my house..

This is me and Afeq trying to find the tiniest font in Singapore USD 2..! Turns out, it was really tiny that it looked like one straight soft line. Oih!

This is me hahaha before headed to Desaru.. !

This is me, Sahey and Numan, at Desaru … I was upset with Sahey at this time.. Can’t remember what the big issue was about –.-! The waves were awesome..

At Chicken Rice Shop, Jusco Johor with Numan and Amir as well … Turned out all cinemas at Johor and K-Box were closed on Islam New Year.

Like in the picture… At Tutti Frutti.. Guess how much me and Sahey’s ice cream costs? RM49! And guess what, THE ICE CREAM SUCKED!!!! WASTE OF MONEY!

.dira.

+ End You November! +

2011-11-28T20:24:00.001+08:00

Few pictures taken from the apartment view.. Nothing much but very calming place to be ..

Here’s syg drinking Pepsi when having our breakfast at Pizza KSL, Johor

Trust me.. It may look just like little waves in this picture, but in reality, it was huge at that time..! And I was just standing still there getting crushed by waves.. It was awesome..~~ Hehe..

And last but not least.. Stupid me! This is one of my desperate attempts when life’s a living hell! Yes, I look like the most stupidest clown in the world with this hair. Damn! It’s been one of the most shittest month in my whole life so far! Lets pray December’s way better!

I wanna make few apologies to my mom and dad for everything I’ve done and said these past few weeks and same goes to Ahmad Shahir Abdullah for all the biasness I’ve been treating you with.. I’m really sorry .. Truth is, I love you all so much to see you all get hurt.. ..

.dira.

+ What I’ve Been Up Too +

2011-11-19T21:18:00.001+08:00

Recently, I ran away from home. Didn’t go anywhere much but PD was the most peaceful place that calmed me. Few pictures that I took before I headed home:

Then when got back home.. Things just got even worse with the family. And it really pissed me off that I had to cut my hair and dammit it turned out fucking short and I hate it even though I’m smiling in this picture! Don't be fooled..! It ain’t as pritty as it looks!

And here are some emotional pictures I took for my collection!

And yes people.. I did quit my job because mom dad and sahey doesn’t like me working there just because there’s Alip.. Stupid betol.! Now I have to go back to square one and find a job!!!!! I MISS MEDIGATE!!

I miss all the kakak2 and abg2 and I miss Alip, Mizi, Acit, Zul and Budak kecik.. …

.dira.

+ DAY OFF~~~~ +

2011-11-05T19:27:00.001+08:00

And yes.. I am at Johor right now and off from work until Tuesday..

I am sure I'll come back to work and find loads of work on my desk. Sigh.. I still have one more quotation that dues next Wednesday and that stupid snobbish Mr. Mahali "Banggali" still not replying my fucking email!!! DAMN YOU DICKSHIT!!!!

Sabar, sabar... I NEED DINNER!!!!! GAHHHH!!!

Its already been 4 days since I last spoke to my mom. I spoke with dad but inside, I am still pissed off with both of them for intruding and ruining my life!

.dira.

+ HURRY DIRA!!! HURRY!!! +

2011-11-04T19:11:00.001+08:00

Aku benci stay back kat office lame2.. sunyi gile… Kak alya da start nk gile da ngan quotation2 die..

Dira, you’re slow!! Work a little faster!! ESOK CUTI WEHHH!!! CEPAT CEPAT!! WAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

Da da… Sambung keje…

.dira.

+ HURRY DIRA!!! HURRY!!! +

2011-11-04T18:46:00.001+08:00

Aku benci stay back kat office lame2.. sunyi gile… Kak alya da start nk gile da ngan quotation2 die..

Dira, you’re slow!! Work a little faster!! ESOK CUTI WEHHH!!! CEPAT CEPAT!! WAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

Da da… Sambung keje…

.dira.

+ Suppliers–.-! +

2011-11-04T17:02:00.001+08:00

I really.. I really hate it when I have to say NO to a good and well-mannered supplier just cause she/he replies my quotation a little late.. Sigh…

But I get really pissed off with impolite and RUDE Malay suppliers who thinks that their company are big enough or good enough to talk to another Malay company sampai kn I have to remind them “You xle ckp baek2 ke??” with full of mockery and hatred! Dammit!!! These 2 days I don’t know why but I keep getting angry snobbish suppliers yg wat bikin telinga aku panas je!!!! ASSHOLES!!!!!

Enough talk!

Reminder:

- Go back home and bungkus baju and laundry for Johor tomorrow…

.dira.

+ Beauty +

2011-10-29T09:23:00.001+08:00

cantek kn...rainbow right infront of my office..

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

+ Mengantok +

2011-10-27T15:50:00.001+08:00

alhamdulillah..ibu aya da amik pic convo hehe..sbnarnye aku ngantok sgt..mmg xle nk wat keje langsung..
sigh..

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

+ Drained Energy +

2011-10-25T01:35:00.001+08:00

This must be the worst case mengamok Im going through.. My whole body aches.. Its the first time mom seen me mengamok smpaikn she had to bang azan cause she thought I was possessed.. But no mom, im not.. Im just sick and tired of my life being controlled by the old man..

Sorry mom..

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

+ CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATES!!! +

2011-10-24T08:25:00.001+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS PEOPLE … WE FINALLY MADE IT AFTER ALL THOSE HARD WORK …

AND WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A MESSED UP BETCH LIKE ME TURNED OUT TO BE A SECOND CLASS (UPPER DIVISION) GRADUATE! YEAY! HAHAHA!!!

THE END…

.dira.

+ DAD! +

2011-10-23T19:32:00.002+08:00

DAD! SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD THE GUTS TO SPEAK OUT MORE TO YOUR FACE!!!! YES! TO YOUR FACE!

+ Because of You McD +

2011-10-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hurmmhhhh...

I was on my way back to college this morning with a growling stomach and an empty mind..

I was peacefully looking at the sky and imagining a very nice McDeluxe while speeding down Kg. Gebok road and I realized this black Waja ahead was giving his left signal.. So I hit the break as hard as I could but yea, the break did me no good.

A black Waja infront of me and 1 huge truck on the other side of the road. My only choice, was to hit the black Waja.. And yea, I did..

And guess who were the people in the car..? Police officers! 3 off em.. -.-! Nice work Dira..! Nice work.. Lucky me the only kepoh person in the car was the polis lancau yg botak tu..!

Gotta settle insurance tomorrow.. Sigh.. Moody nye :(..

.dira.

+ TONSILS! +

2011-10-17T21:41:00.001+08:00

To Sarah, angah, Kak Mirza, Kak Alya, Kak Serina, En. Marwan and Farid.. Sorry sgt I couldn’t stay back with you all til late midnight to help with the tenders.. .. Sorry about the half day MC and sorry for not being able to be there with all of you.. Million apologies..

Went to the doctor today and he said I had tonsils again.. 8 times and its operation for me.. That’s what he said.. And so far, this is my 3rd –.-! Damn!

.dira.

+ Universal Studio Singapore +

2011-10-15T23:49:00.001+08:00

.dira.

+ Birthday with the Family +

2011-10-15T23:23:00.001+08:00

Thank you for nice birthday time spent .. This year I got all the big presents haha! One big album, one big pouch and one hell of a birthday card haha!

Thank you all who wished me and spent the time with me on my birthday .. The best …

.dira.

+ Happy Birthday You +

2011-10-12T17:22:00.003+08:00

It was a nice night spent on that birthday night last night :).. I had a lot of fun, a lot of laughs and I enjoyed all the way :)..

Thank you Shapeq, Lily, Ziela and Nisa for spending the night with me on my birthday :).. Love you guys so much ^^..

Unfortunately, I forgot to snap any pictures :(..

.dira.

+ Organizing To-do List +

2011-10-09T18:25:00.002+08:00

I still need to organize these things:

1. My playlist
2. My car playlist (in pendrive)
3. Medical and Dental pictures inside my pendrive (Code and Name of item)
4. Myself

.dira.

+ Pictures +

2011-10-08T19:28:00.001+08:00

These are the only picture I have in my phone when I went to Universal Studio. Still waiting for Ayol and Sahey to pass me the rest of the pictures!!

Hey Nabbie…….. We had early dinner at Pizza vs. Satay ~~~ Huahua….

Sahey and his friends… He’s the shortest btw…

My colleagues.. Care to guess which is Alip and which is Mizi ..?

.dira.

+ Signed and Sealed +

2011-10-08T19:09:00.003+08:00

All decisions have been made and finalized.

So whatever happens then to me, is no longer my concern. I am done worrying and keeping myself updated with my own life.

I almost forgot that my birthday is in another 4 more days. And I have 1 tender that dues on that day. Thank you for keeping me busy and keeping my mind from feeling down and disappointed.

From this day on, I will spend the rest of my life working, locking myself in my room and sleep til the next dawn comes.

I think I have nothing more to say.

.dira.

+ Convo +

2011-10-08T11:01:00.005+08:00

Yeayyy....!!! Convooooo..... This 23rd October.. *InsyaAllah*

College, don't you dare do shit again.! I don't even know my CGPA.. Pfftttt.....

:)...

.dira.

+ Anti-Govenrment +

2011-10-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

I hate most of the government people!

So you can stop with the 2012 Budgets!

.dira.

+ Bored +

2011-10-06T17:26:00.002+08:00

Bese a tu.. Org kat office ble otak da overload with numbers and figures, they start doing stupid, unnecessary things like ..... Camwhoring! Wallauuuuu!!!! Huahuahuahua!!!!

The end. Remind me to post pictures inside my phone and pictures of Singapore from Sahey and Ayol.

Thank you.

.dira.

+ This Heart +

2011-10-06T12:34:00.001+08:00

This heart, is so confused!

This heart, is so hurt!

This heart, is so angry!

This heart, is in agony!

And nobody cares to ask what my plans are for my life!

To hell!

.dira.

+ Sorry +

2011-09-29T17:13:00.001+08:00

I haven't been the most happiest person in the world lately. Not even close to putting a smile on my face.

I feel sad. Regrets. Anger. Sympathy. Pathetic and everything gloomy.

Yesterday before I went off to work, mom hugged me and said

"Rasa mcm da lame x nmpk mke Dira wlpn slalu kat rumah.."

Hmm.. Mane tak nye.. Everytime I arrive home, I straight away head to my room, lock the door and never step out of it.

I don't feel like talking or making eye contact with anyone at home.. I still hold so much anger towards dad. He's been pushing me a lot lately. Pisses me off.

Enough said. Aku ngah high kat ofis terlebey mkn ubt.

.dira.

+ No Credit +

2011-09-25T17:19:00.002+08:00

Tonsil baru je nk baek tb2 bole pulak kne demam yg xle nk bla.. Haihhh.. Jawab test pn ade xde mood...

And I liked the team building training.. Best sgt :)...

Sorry to all... I have no credit and no money to topup. My credit advance pn sudah abis diguna :(.. Maaf ya...

.dira.

+ If You Have Something To Say, SAY IT! +

2011-09-23T17:24:00.001+08:00

Just a little advice pasal aku ade terasa ngan satu post lyric ni..

Klu da cinta tu, jg la ngan baek. Klu da berjanji tu, tunai kn ngan iklas. Klu da salah tu, ngaku ngan ayat2 jujur. Klu terlepas juga, bg masa kat si dia tok sembuh kn ati kalu kamu tau kamu da sakit kn die.

Bkn letak post lagu2 yg menunjuk kn pmpn tu mcm kejam tinggal kn kamu smpai kn kamu down. Itu mcm blaming the girl for every shit things that are happening to you.

And if you have something to say to me, tlg say it out loud to me! Bkn berkias kias ngan ayat2 lyric yg menyakit kn lg ati aku. Terima kasih.

Thank you!

.dira.

+ Budget Next Month +

2011-09-22T12:28:00.001+08:00

Things that needs to be settled next month (money money money!):

1. MARA payment for 2 month (RM300)

2. Johor and Singapore (RM300)

3. Hair cut - Fringe (RM150)

That's for now.. Humppppphhhhh....

.dira.

+ Morning +

2011-09-22T07:12:00.000+08:00

Morning people..

If you wake up feeling happy, it means something bad is gonna happy that will turn you all moody..! Correct? Betol!

So it's 7.10 am and yes, I am happy.

Can't tell what bad things are gonna happen today that will spoil this good mood of mine.

Thank you. Off to work.

.dira.

+ Lepas Rindu +

2011-09-21T20:45:00.001+08:00

Wait wait wait!!! One picture!!

Hehehehe...!

Hehe... At Lily's open house :D... Nas couldn't make it so Pacad ganti.. Hahaha.. Best sgt dpt sembang and catch up with all of em and then group hug!!!! WAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Hehehe..

.dira.

+ The Best Surprise :) +

2011-09-21T20:42:00.001+08:00

I almost caused the company to lose RM198 but thank Allah, Sarah gave me a chance cause this is my first mistake.. Thank you :)..

So I got back from work and my sister said 2 parcel reached home. And it was from Sahey.. It was an album, 2 letters and a lego cake with a girl.. :).. It was the most precious memories inside the album :).. Thank you for the early birthday present.. You've surprised me this time for real.. :)..

This is me and my cake :).. Sorry I can't show the pictures in the album.. Byk and I don't want anyone to cry.. :).. And as for the letters, they are Private and Confidential..

And for the next story.. Just few pictures I wanna put in this post.. :)

This is Alip's living room house at Johor.. Went beraya with his friends and all..

Zul (my cousin jauh) who always give me his item samples to keep in the drawer-.- and takes good care of me :), Asnun the cat lover and also a joker and Rasyidi who keeps calling me "sexy" and yea, he quit the job. Sorry for that.

Ai... Gambor mu g mek... Hahahaha!!

This is Kak Serina.. :).. When I get all stressed up and unorganized at work, she will be the one listening to all my crazy tones and tunes and me going all nuts. Sorry Kak Serina for always asking you too many questions. She's my mentor :D.. She's SMALL and she's PREGNANT!!! Hehehe :D.. I always try to make her smile when she's moody :D..

Actually, I only used 2 oranges and not 4.. I drew faces on both front and back :D.. I was bored.. Kak Serina gave me these oranges so instead eating, I drew faces. And everyone had a laugh at it :).. I love seeing the whole office laugh and being cheerful :)..

And the end :)...

.Dira.

+ Attention Ziela and Nisa..! +

2011-09-21T16:41:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah... Hehehe.. 1 tender and 1 official quotation sign, sealed and delivered :D... Now, need to search for vet surgical item for abg Zainal... When it comes to abg Zainal's item to search, there are no item easy to find! Saje je bagi ku sakit kepala -.-!

To Ziela:
Ziela, aku nk balas msg ko tp aku da xde duet gile nk topup .. Mntk maaf sgt2..

To Nisa:
Nisa, same mcm yg kat atas, mntk maaf sgt2.. Ku xde kdt :(... About the Melaka Waterworld tu do you still want it? I can ask my dad... :)..

A special dedication to that someone at Larkin, Johor:
Hi.. I hope you're doing well.. I am sorry if I've hurt you in any way that you've been hurt. It was never my intention.. I am still waiting for your letter to arrive and when I've receive it, you'll be the first to know.. I hope this new beginning will benefit both of us.. Thank you for loving me and know that I'll always be loving you.. Hope to see you soon this coming October 2nd.. Take care.. :)..

I hope when I get a new hair cut early next month, I'll be a new person.. And I'll start a new life.. Amin..

.Dira.

+ :) +

2011-09-18T13:30:00.000+08:00

+ Nice BBQ Ly! Thanks :D +

2011-09-17T20:29:00.001+08:00

Anyone care to guess what today’s post is about?

Its about me wanting to burn my diary. Yes. I wanna burn it cause I’ve missed out on so many pages. Why? Cause life was spent sleeping and dreaming.

Yesterday was a very nice get together that Lily made .. Thanks Ly .. I felt really happy able to catch up with everyone, lagi2 Shapeq .. Rindu sgt kat die ^^… And he has not changed a bit.. That’s a good thing … Hope next plan tgk wayang plak kat Subang Parade k … Still waiting for Miss Lily Zahara Razali to upload the pictures

End.

.Dira.

+ “Get A Life Girl!" +

2011-09-16T13:02:00.001+08:00

I got out of my room and went downstairs to grab a bread. And dgn selamber nye my dad sound me.

“GET A LIFE GIRL . GET A LIFE”

And I went blur.

Is it that obvious that my life’s all messed up and unarranged..?

Isolating myself from everyone.

.Dira.

+ Masak Ko Dira! +

2011-09-15T06:24:00.001+08:00

I am a good example of a selfish elder sister.. Sigh… Caught up in my own problems that I didn’t even realize Syikin has already started her UPSR exam.. I didn’t even wish her goodluck until just few minutes ago… Damn..! I’m sorry noodle poop..

I have 2 tenders with 4 items to be completed (dues this 19th Sept), 4 items to search and ask for direct purchase and a test coming up this 22nd of September… Masak ko Dira.. Adoiii…. This time exam on Bien-Air products..! I hate Bien-Air! Rupe sume same satu hal, code item plak mcm nk menggila panjang nye.. Sume numbers plak tu!! I am gonna die like this!

Done. I need to get ready for work…

.Dira.

+ I Am Weak +

2011-09-13T10:28:00.001+08:00

... And it gets even more complicated ...

The last time I checked, my life was not this complicated. My heart was not this sore and torn apart.. My head was not this heavy and burdened. Why did everything got sooooooooo *grips teeth so hard!!*

I always tell myself. Let only my heart that hurts but never let others get hurt because of me. And look where I am.. I am weak..

And that's the truth..

.Dira.

+ Am I Cruel..? +

2011-09-08T13:31:00.001+08:00

I still need more time to think things through and make a proper and final decision.

I never wanted all this to happen but when it happened, I didn't know where to run and I didn't know I'd get caught to it and be this close. I don't like this situation as much as you.

Numb and heartless. I don't feel anything but a selfish heart that longs to entertain itself and forget about others who broke and tore it apart after I took good care of them.

So tell me. Am I that cruel for being selfish..?

.Dira.

+ Goodluck Paklong +

2011-09-06T16:57:00.002+08:00

Perh! Dr pg smpai petang nk balik keje, aku printing and edit gmbr je satu ari.. Mmg da nek muak tgk ketas.. Penat kaki jalan depan blakang atas bawah. Tp.. Alhamdulillah, KKM sume da settle :).. Pape pun, goodluck to my paklong with this project of his :)..

Mcm x sangka nk 3 bulan keje... Xrasa bosan langsung :)..

.Dira.

+ Sakit... Sgt Perit +

2011-09-01T08:58:00.001+08:00

Wow.. Nice.. Blogger's changed a lot.. But too white.. And plain too...

Anyways.. Raya.. This raya must be my worst raya.. I got swelling lungs and its draining all my energy to get up from bed. I coughed blood and it hurts really bad. Possibilities of why its swelling really bad:

Fever's coming
There's a small piece of glass stuck inside from the broken glass I drank my orange with.

Plus, yesterday I had this fight with my dad over stupid thing. Padahal baru je mntk maaf kelmarin. Saje je cari pasal. But pape je a. Too lazy to bother about him.

Hope you all have a nice Raya.. I got RM170 duet raya this year even when I'm already working :D... Everyone said this is my last year of duet Raya.. Suke hati korang la.. It doesn't bother me at all.. Pfft....

.Dira.

+ Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri +

2011-08-31T12:19:00.001+08:00

Org perempuan kalau bersiap time raya, mmg sume cam ni.. Ramai2 duduk depan cermin, tacap mke pastu bergambar syok sniri.. So kami sefamily pn 2x5 je hehe .. First time nmpk ibu betol2 senyum lam gmbr ..

We don’t have a colour theme for this Raya .. Everyone’s all grown up.

Selamat Hari Raya to all…

Sorry I couldn’t reply some of you guys texts cause there’s just too many Raya wishes coming in.

.Dira.

+ Not in the Mood +

2011-08-28T22:14:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I am not in the mood to celebrate Hari Raya at all!

Reasons:

My body’s weak. Very weak. I overdosed a lot of pills that are sleepy. I needed the sleeps
I have headaches that has nothing to do with ill-ness but everything to do with heartaches and tough decisions
My parents are starting to push me around and brainwashing me
I feel lost
I need to get away from everyone. Specially the family

.Dira.

+ Aku Lemah +

2011-08-27T23:50:00.001+08:00

Nadhirah Bt. Rosli.

Ngucap byk2. Ngat Allah s.w.t.

Kuat kn diri. Kuat kn semangat.

Ya Allah. Aku lemah. Kuat kn diri aku. Aku rasa terikat sgt ngan mcm2 smpai aku xle nk pk.

Aku xtau mane lg nk lari )’: ..

+ Drown Me +

2011-08-27T23:23:00.001+08:00

When I feel like life’s really threatening me to jump off the edge with the sword’s sharp end behind my back, believe me, I will jump off the edge. But I’ll transform, evolve myself to survive, swim and stay in the deepest ocean and make friends with the sharks.

But if life ties both my hands with a big rock to drown me in the ocean, I won’t fight. I’ll drown myself dead.

Hati aku sangat tak tenteram.

.Dira.

+ Sun +

2011-08-27T23:15:00.001+08:00

The kid was not there one minute ago.

I needed the sunrays to blind my eyes to certain things that hurts me inside. Things that I don’t wanna know and don’t wanna look at.

Beautiful. A beautiful place to hang yourself dead while watching the sunset. Don’t you think..? A beautiful scenery to die with too …

.Dira.

+ "RUN" +

2011-08-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

When I read peoples blog, I get worried about my own life.

While everyone's life is moving and headed to somewhere, mine's still on a standstill and confused.
While everyone's got a purpose to do something, I'm still searching for one and just following where the breeze takes me.
While everyone's happy with what they are doing, I'm still asking myself am doing all this right?
While everyone's worried about big things that are gonna happen and change their lives, I'm still here wondering when's mine gonna change.

Honestly, I hear only one word in my mind. "RUN".

.Dira.

+ Confession of a Confused Betch #2! +

2011-08-26T20:35:00.001+08:00

I love wondering. Going places and getting lost. And then end up crying alone and wishing there was a way back home. So I drove for hours and finally found my way out. I was happy for a while there. But then I realized there was nothing here. So I wondered again and got lost. It's always been this way. Getting lost, troubling myself to find a way back and sleeping everywhere in the middle of nowhere.

I feel miserable. But I'm still trying to put this smile on my face and making it look as sincere as possible. So don't be surprised if I look happy but unlively.

I had to lie to my parents just to have my own space and to get away from more problems. I feel stressed every time I'm at home. There's no peace there! Only unwanted stressful auras!

I thought it was ok to lie to myself. But the more I lie, the more I suffer and the more I get confused. There's too many voices but very confusing.

I don't know why I even bother walking when my mind's empty and I'm all sick and tired of watching my life falling apart all at once.

I still talk to stars and imagine that all this, is just another nightmare.

Most songs in my playlist are now becoming the soundtrack of my life.

I am thankful to have friends that still care and concern about me. But at this mental stage, I don't think I am prepared yet to meet anyone of you. Cause I know I will look and sound like a zombie and my moods are unstable. But just so you all know, I miss you all so much :).

These days, nothing interest me anymore.

.Dira.

+ Colleagues +

2011-08-26T16:16:00.001+08:00

Cewah… Kat dalam gmbr ni mke nampak je happy and meja kemas mcm berlenggang je kat office. But truth is, Kak Najmina, aka Mek, forced me to smile and I had to push all the paper work aside.

Siti Aishah Mohd Yunus. Mke nmpk je rilek tp hakikat nye, ati die ngah panasssss je sal catalogue die byk kali kne reject ngan Cik Sarah. Sabar ye cah.. Gne kn lah “Magic Wand”.

Ni abg Izat. Kurus bebenor!! Dalam ni blur sal mmg amik gmbr blur.. But just wait until after Raya holiday and I will have all my colleagues picture in my blog. . Die nye lagu2 pilihan, perhhhhh! Jiwang kapak, if there is such word in Malay.

Ni kak Najmina or aka “Mek”.. Wahhh mulut die, kuat perli! Mmg terasa abis.. Jgn salah fhm, perli ni perli lawak2 … She loves walking. One moment she’s at one end, then she’s at another end, and the next thing you know, she’s right behind you –.- haha! But die mmg bes klu nk bercakap and berlawak ..

I present to you, one of my sister’s (Syikin) 7 twins, Kak Mirza! Haaaaaaaaaa! Serupa sejibik kn!!! She’s very friendly, very soft and loves to smile . I cannot see her smile. It reminds me so much of my sister Syikin. .. Sometimes I massage her back when she gets exhausted. …

This is Alip. Budak store .. Prangai mmg selamberrrr, sama mcm mulut die yg ske bercakap haha…! He’s the only guy in Medigate that I am close too besides Abg Zainal and Zul, my cousins. He’s got humour ..

And for the rest of the pictures of others, will be posted after Raya holiday ..

.Dira.

+ Lingering +

2011-08-26T14:59:00.000+08:00

I lack sleep. And I've become a workaholic. Wanna guess like who? LIKE MY DAD!!

I am still having trouble believing that I actually don't mind bringing work back home and actually be happy about it. Dad, why la dad....... Why your eldest daughter resembles so much of you.

I wanna help Pak Long and his company :)..

.Dira.

+ To Lily, Ziela, Nisa and Yana, Sorry Sangat2 :( +

2011-08-24T20:26:00.001+08:00

I've never felt so busy and tired being at the office! 3 official quotations settled on time but then Sarah asks for last minute changes. That's ok. But then with all the other quotation, pictures to search for projects and contacting foreign supplier for new items, plus VERY SLOW reply from suppliers, makes me feel so much burden. Even worse than the times at college doing my assignments. Assignments, 1 whole month to settle. But work, only 1 day to complete a whole lot of them.

Ecah: Nad busy gile. Kalah manager nye busy..

Haha.. Perli nmpk.. But no matter how shit works get, I still enjoy being at the office rather than at home. It's a good way and a good place to forget all your problems, and fights, and being stuck in my room doing nothing but waiting for a call from someone that will never happen and end up reminiscing old times.

To Nur Ziela Ahmad:

Ziela.. Sorry I couldn't reply any of your texts. I have no credit and no money to buy any :(.. Pokai sungguh :(.. Gaji belom masok g :(.. Sorry sgt2.. Please jgn be mad at me :(.. Reply me if you've read this post. :). Love you...

To Lily Zahara Razali:

Ly, I love you too :).. :D.. Sorry da lame x online Facebook. Keje baru 2 bulan tp work mounting my desk. Sorry sgt juga :(..

To Nisa Humprey:

Nisa, sorry I xsempat nk balik kolej and buka puasa with you :(. I don't have that much cuti. Ahad je my resting day.. Dak2 kolej pn da bising ble nk balik kolej lepak. Sorry sgt2 Nisa.. Btw, miss you so much :(... Love you too :)...

To Fairuz Liyana:
Yana, thank you for the comment :).. Sorry x balas kat tpt comment cause I know you'll not read it so I'll reply it here.. Nad sihat je :).. Tp mmg da lame xjmp Yana and group2 madam yg len :).. I hope everyone is well and not too stressed up mcm dlu :).. How's life Yana :).. I hope all is good :)..

.Dira.

+ Happy Birthday Afeq :) +

2011-08-22T20:08:00.001+08:00

Yesterday we all celebrated Afeq’s birthday at Pizza Hut, Subang Parade… Lucky him we celebrated with a chocolate cake and 2 Pizzas. I didn’t eat the cake though. Chocolate. Herhhh!

And… Here’s the birthday boy … Happy birthday Afeq … Semoga panjang umor, murah rezeki and idp sentiasa diberkati Allah s.w.t ..

Nabbie… Sorry you couldn’t join.. Just so you know, we all miss you and your ikan bilis butt … Hehe…

Haihhhh… … Baju raya xbeli lagi… I’m not in the mood for Raya at all this year ..

From now on, aku xnk ade ape2 g dlm kepala otak aku kecuali diri aku and ape yg ngidam sgt nk wat sblm kawen atau sebelum da tua.

.Dira.

+ Pictures +

2011-08-21T20:13:00.001+08:00

This coming weekend is the company’s Buka Puasa Buffet. . Cannot wait to eat all the nice foods and spend time with everyone. Hopefully it all goes well. Ecah! You have to come!!

And this is the place. De’ Lanai.. At first I thought it was De’ Lancau –.-!

The place is beautiful . Near to the lake with very nice night breeze …

Beautiful.. But even more mesmerizing in real life .. Emotions. They come in different shapes and sizes when it comes to expressing. And no one is to judge anything.

My one and only company when I needed that time to tame myself from doing stupid things.

.Dira.

+ You’re Complicated +

2011-08-21T11:31:00.001+08:00

Life.. You shouldn’t be more complicated than you already are.

Aku sebenarnye mcm da mls nk tulis blog! Rasa nk delete pn ade but when I think twice, I have memory problems and most of my memories are written in this blog. I can’t afford to lose it all and end up searching back for it somewhere, someday in the future.

.Dira.

+ Confession of a Confused Betch! +

2011-08-20T02:39:00.001+08:00

I know. I know I am not the same person anymore.

I’ve slowed down. Settling my inner self.

Taming the beast inside me.

Putting more smiles to cover up things I don’t wish anyone to see.

I keep telling myself, things will be ok if I shut myself for a little while. But when I wake up, I find myself hearing, remembering, searching back and singing to the songs that used to be ours.

God this hurts me so bad to let go of someone that means so much to me.

God it hurts even more knowing that he’s letting go of me too.

God it hurts so fucking bad seeing these memories replaying itself inside my head.

No, it was a lie when I said “This didn’t hurt a bit”.

I don’t know myself anymore.

I work to forget the world. I work to runaway from home. I work to runaway from problems I can’t face. I work to own that money to runaway. I work to dry my tears. I work to linger myself from fixing my heart and myself. The pains are very good reminders.

My heart’s torn and my hands are numb to stitch back the pieces myself.

I live a 2 completely different life.

If you thought I was strong to go through all this in one piece, you thought wrong. Each part of me fell apart on my way out of our relationship. And I wish I could go back to pick each one of it, but the past is in the past. I need a new piece.

I never stopped thinking of you each day. But each day I try so hard to hold myself from making the same mistakes. I refuse to be fooled by lies again. I refuse to put trust or faith in promises.

I keep hurting myself to cover up other pains so that I don’t blame those I love most for hurting me.

To be continue…

.Dira.

+ Beautiful +

2011-08-17T11:41:00.001+08:00

Beautiful lights scenery. Unfortunately, it’s not mine. I miss the stars at night.

.Dira.

+ To: Miss Lily Zahara Razali and Miss Nur Ziela Ahmad +

2011-08-15T16:53:00.000+08:00

Lily Zahara Razali.. Got your facebook msg via Yahoo email notifier hahahahah XD!!!

InsyaAllah if there's nothing planned on that day and if I still have money in hand, I'm joining you guys :D.. But if I can't make it, please say Hi to everyone for me. Perh rindu gile kat Shapeq and da lame sgt x jmp Hazieq.. Eh, ajak la Nas, Ly :D..? I haven't seen him for ages :(.. Ziela you amik die nnt is it?

Anything please text me k :D.. Klu le, hehehe, tpt mkn jgn la kat tpt yg expensive atau luxury sgt.. My gaji bulan pertama all gone already.. Waiting for my second gaji this 25th August, hehe...

*** Thinking of ending my Facebook hiatus but got to think twice. Sigh.. Da la Facebook tu dlu kongsi ngan Sahey :(.. Never mind.. ***

To Ziela Ahmad.. Ziela, let me know if you're going to the makan2 bersama "Subang CLAN". Hahahaha!!!! WHAT A NAME SHAPEQ CAME UP WITH!!!!! -.-!

Miss you guys much much!!!! Tak sabar nk jmp. Tlg doa kn I dpt kua. If not, I'm gonna have to think of a lie to go out for buka puasa..

* Bulu roma tibe2 meremang *

+ You and I +

2011-08-14T17:52:00.001+08:00

Those kisses, those smiles
And all those journeys we’ve gone for miles
Those touch, those hugs
All those times they were like my daily drugs
Inseparable, You and I
But now I’ve drawn those lines between…

.chorus.
Oh You and I
You and I
Oh You and I…
Oh You and I
You and I
Oh You and I…
Once a lover now you’re my special friend…

Those moments, those fights
Somewhere in my heart, nothing feels right
Those heartaches, those cries
Never mattered but those lies were what I feared most
Separated, You and I
All those times you thought I was strong, you were wrong

.chorus.

Agony
This fragile heart always needed something to break
Never enough
All these things I kept inside tore me apart while you had all your fun
And I told myself you were the best I’ve ever had
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness even when it hurts
I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you…

.chorus.

Title: You and I
Written: NadD